I Am Agnostic For A Reason

Why am I an agnostic? 

I was born a Hindu. Ideally that should have been an answer sufficient enough. But in today's world it has been twisted beyond all comprehension and it has become more of a question than an answer. And so are all religions.

Most agnostics usually start of being rebels and the characteristic itself starting off as an act of defiance against the common order. I may have started off that way too, but it was not purely teenage rebellion. There were more undercurrents to it than that.

I was born to a family of Alpha males, starting with my paternal grandfather, then my father and his brothers. These were men who were not only physically able but also could definitely stand their ground in an argument. Politically very opinionated, they would standout in a group and usually were at the forefront of any activities they got involved with. They were willing to risk an arm and a leg for something that they believed in, but religion wasn't just one of them.

They were staunch communists by belief, like most young men from Kerala during that period were. They were brought up in the middle of a people's revolution in Kerala and it must have captured their imagination as anyone else's.

I never remember my father ever taking me to a temple or forcing me to follow any religious practices or even asking me to pray. One thing he taught me was to never follow the mob; but to think for yourself and navigate your own journey. He told me that in the process you may fail, but those failures will be yours. But if you succeed, you will create a path for others to follow. I guess I took that advice really seriously whether I took all of his other advice or not.

Soon I realized that high decibels alone cannot make convincing arguments, but that arguments ought to be backed by irrefutable reason to penetrate conditioned beliefs. As I grew up and experienced the world, I realized that communism was just an a comfortable excuse for losers who can't make it by themselves, to convince the world that it owes something to them. Communism also followed a "Robin-hood" theory of wealth distribution. How my father and his brothers who were so capable got influenced by it was beyond my comprehension. I think the environment does play an important role in one's beliefs. So communism went out of the window. 

But the rebel in me was not going anywhere soon. "Faith" alone did not make sense enough for me to mold my belief system. My reasoning had neutralized the belief system that I had grown up in. And if I could argue and disagree with that, then the usual social belief systems were definitely not going to shackle my thoughts. 

I started observing people (the habit still continues), studying their surroundings and factors that influence them. 
Most underlying reasons for people praying were either "Please Give Me More.. or Please Don't Take This Away From Me". 

People felt compelled to conform to the belief in the "Supreme Being" because it was such an outrageous idea, that it almost felt like it was nearly impossible to have been manufactured by someone. But the greatest con jobs in history of mankind have been based on absolutely outrageous premises and extremely gullible people.

The faith system is bolstered by religious texts, organizations and rituals. They have over centuries preached that there was indeed a "Supreme Power" and that it had the power to influence mortal beings. 
Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd. In all faiths, the children are indoctrinated at a very early age - before 6 years. So they usually do not have a chance to challenge heavily enforced beliefs.
But that was never a factor that touched me - I've never been part of a herd.

I refuse to believe; In Gods That - Were uneducated and rode horses & camels- supposedly lived before 6th century BC, yet refuse to appear before the greatest civilization of all times. 

I refuse to believe in Gods who set rules and commandments for others to follow but yet somehow themselves do not seem to be bound by the same rules. I refuse to believe that an all-powerful and supposedly all-prevailing force created such an imperfect universe. I refuse to believe in a God that needed his representatives to be born only among the most susceptible humans and subjugate them to laws not binding on other creatures that are supposedly his creation or himself.

Imagine having the power to create this universe and yet needing human representatives to convince others of own existence and also being compelled to validate your own existence with humans???

If I had all that power - Humans would too insignificant and unworthy to be subjugated into worshiping me and for me to bother about.

So I have more reasons to stick to my beliefs, than follow the faith system that imprisons several billion people on this planet and that is good enough for me to stick to my convictions. It is phenomenally liberating....

In the words of Sherlock Holmes - "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains and however improbable, must be the truth".